Strength from Cancer

I haven't posted in a very long time. Just such a busy summer. I have been off chemotherapy for about 6 weeks and I am trying to enjoy and really feel every minute of it. Feeling healthy and strong is such a gift. As with everyone, the future is so unknown. I try very hard not to think of it. So as I spoke of so my times the future can be my delusional world. But this summer is no delusion, it is my reality. I am strong-I can work and play with such ferocity!!!
Today I look at some of the gifts that cancer gave me: I have developed closer relationships with my friends and family. I can tell them how much I love them, I can be me- the new me, the greatful me and the much more appreciative me, not taking for granted these people that help give me strength. I also think I have developed a closer relationship with God-I actually argue with him, debate with him, plead to him, respect him and just have plain old conversation. Since my cancer diagnosis I have developed an amazing strength - this feeling is so unbelievable. After almost four years of chemotherapy treatments (something like 87 treatments) I am alive and kicking harder and stronger than ever before. Now I can notice more details - the sky, the grass, my house, my patients, mindless entertainment, the shear beuty of music, the vivd color of red in my lipstick...I could go on and on but I think you can get the picture. I can't believe I have let myself really love a dog- thanks Jay, thanks Mario - I think cancer let me open my eyes to the beauty and wonder of animals. I have learned not be judgemental - for every negative I may think I need to find a positive - it is not always easy but it is an exercise that keeps me at peace.
This list of gifts is not complete and comprehensive but they are great examples. There is such a contrast between life without chemotherapy and the freedom of this summer. It makes me be more thankful for all that I have, all that I see, all that I love. Although this is temporary freedom I see it as such a recharge. I can really count my blessings and try to find some good in things that really upset me. I feel this inner peacefulness through any struggle. My motto has been "don't sweat the small stuff." And even the big stuff is something I can handle. We only have so much energy and I try not to waste mine on petty things. I feel I didn't need cancer to learn to appreciate things, but I have to say it gave me the strength. I can't go so far as to call it a gift but bad things bring about good things if you are open, willing to change and use your strength. I guess cancer was the catalyst, the kick in the pants to this newfound strength. I am flexing my muscles and I am not going to be taken down without a fight.