Thanksgiving - My Saving Grace

It has been a while since I wrote but now I feel the need. I can't help but to contemplate the "quality vs. quantity" question that keeps bothering my brain. I don't just think it in those words but there are so many thoughts and questions to contemplate - all that bring me to "quality vs. quantity." These thoughts include "you are strong so keep fighting this thing", "what are you trying to prove", " does this make sense", "with a good scan I have to keep going," how much longer can I live this tortured life", " I don't want to check out earlier than I have too.", "How much more can I take", "is all this post-chemo reactions really giving me life", "these decisions are just too hard", what is best for my family"...and on and on my mind will race.
For me, sleeping is the only thing that can calm these racing thoughts. Thankfully these days sleepings comes easily, as a side effect of the chemo and anti-drugs. But it only helps me to avoid big time thoughts and decisions. But it can be such a peaceful state - free from pain, worry, and cares. So I wonder more if death will be like a peaceful sleep. Slow down brain because I really don't want to go there. So I remember that I just need to live a little at a time so that life doesn't feel so overwhelming. I've got something to get me through the month of November - I look forward to Thanksgiving. And yes, Thanksgiving at my house, as has been the tradition for many years. So I know that I will be safe in November because I've got a show to put on. I understand that the ghosts will most likely appear, but over these last couple of weeks, they have been appearing at a frightful rate anyway.
So back to where I started - "quality vs. quantity" - It just depends on the day, depends on the mood, depends upon how much reality I can escape. For I feel a very deteriorated quality of life. But now I have Thanksgiving to focus on - the holiday, the tradition, my family, the food. And yes, there will be wine to drink which can drown the sound of the whine in my heart. And as an added bonus - I have the Friday after Thanksgiving off from any chemotherapy - Thank you again Thanksgiving.