A Miraculous Year

Just a little story - When Mario was about 4 years old we got one of those fighting fish that lives alone and swims around in a vase. When we got the fish we wanted to prepare Mario in case the fish died. So we told him that fish don't always live very long and for him to enjoy watching the fish while we had him swimming around the vase. After our little talk he would get up every morning, look at the fish, and proudly announce "he's not dead yet!" Well it's my birthday today. In fact, the 4th since I have been told I had StageIV Colon Cancer and there was no cure. I was told of the minimal treatment options - immediate surgery and then chemotherapy to prolong my life. Life expectancy was 2 and a half years. Well, I wake up this morning and I say to myself, "I'm not dead yet." In fact I feel very much alive. I've already been to the gym for a work out. I plan to work 30 hours this week. I will help Mario with his homework, attend at least one of his baseball games, and watch some mindless television. I will also spend time dog-sitting with Jay's new puppy. And yes, for many of you that know me I did say dog-sitting.

Well a year older is a blessing, especially when you have your health. In most ways I really try to fit in that category. As my oncologist says "You are just a healthy person that happens to have cancer." Most days I believe him. Although there have been some times that I truly wanted this fight to be over and I think - a healthy person with cancer, that's bulls$#%, healthy and cancer is just an oxymoron and should never be spoken in the same sentence.

There are many people that have this dreaded disease of cancer that I think about today and often. I pray for them every day. Many have died with this disease, many are dying. But I need to say that I know nobody who has given in to this disease without a valiant fight. I have seen other healthy people deal with very bad cancers. It is inspiring. However, it is even sadder when they die or they can't fight anymore and I have shed and will continue to shed many tears.

But today is my birthday! I received a beautiful gift from my husband, not just the earrings (but I need to say they are gorgeous) but the whole idea that he continues in his love affair with me throughout these past four years of the unknown. I really love you Michael.

And to all my readers and fans - thank you for all the birthday wishes, and thank you for all the love and support over this past year. For without it, this year that has truly been full of joy, sickness, strength, sadness, health, laughter, love, and tears never would have been a reality. And you know what - "I'm not dead yet!" Oh and one more accolade - thank you red lipstick for sometimes helping me to look better than I feel. Hugs to all of you.