Speak the way you Feel

I'm going to try living in the oposite world today. Whatever I really feel or think is going to be oposite to what I am going to project. On second thought, I better not do that because I would never want anyone to take my words the "right" way which is really the "wrong" way. OK, now I'm even getting confused myself so I think I'll scratch that idea. I was just thinking that if I didn't tell the truth then nobody would have to hear how crappy I feel. Nobody would have to hear about how much of life I feel I am missing. Everyone would think I am doing great, that I'm not worried about the future, that I don't think about how much I miss my old self. If I spoke in opposites I wouldn't tell anyone how annoying it is to have to count down chemo weekends to see if I can make it to a wedding, a birthday party or a First Communion. I would tell everyone that chemo is easy, I'm never in pain,or that my mouth always tastes minty resh. But since I decided not to speak in opposites then the truth must be know - chemo is hard, neuropathic pain is bad, and my mouth always has the wretched taste in it from the chemo drugs.
If I spoke in opposites worse things would happen than letting everyone know my laments about cancer and chemo. I would appear to be unappreciative, uncaring, and ungrateful. So since it is not a day I will speak in opposites I need to say that I can never feel more appreciative, caring, or grateful. So today and it's not opposite day I have many thanks to give (in no particular order):
Thank you to my friends who always get me back and forth to chemo in a way that makes me feel good right up until I have to say good bye at the door of Dana-Farber or right up until they walk me back in my doorway.
Thank you to my parents who take the T to Dana-Farber just so they can sit with me while the poison goes into my system. I know it's not easy.
Thank you to all my facebook friends and fans for cheering me on and picking me up. Your words are so important.
Thank you to all my work friends who take care of me on days that I don't feel well, let me cry or complain in the back office when I need to. You have shown me an even greater dimension of friendship.
Thank you to Michelle, Jay, and Mario just for being my children and in your own ways live this uncertain life that my cancer diagnosis has given them. I am truly proud.
Thank you to my neighbors who are always watching over me. You know I need you.
Thank you to my family for which I include my inlaws - you are all true family and do things that help make my life easier through this cancer journey.
Thank you to long time friends who remain in touch and would do anything for me. You always make me smile.
Thank you to those that offer food, prayers, kind words. For without them life with cancer would be totally intolerable.
Thank you to Father Gillespie who brings me Communion on the Sundays I am sick. I feel close to God.
Thank You to Michael, my husband, who goes off to work everyday with such a heavy burden in his mind and heart. I love you.
You know what - I never want it to be opposite day because I feel it is much too important to let others know how you feel vs. hiding behind a wall of falsities. So as I expressed the truth and not the opposite of what I feel I am so, so indebted to all of you. And as I inventoried my feelings I ask myself in all sincerity "How could I ever feel crappy?"