Worries

"Don't worry. Be happy." Ban these words. Protest against them. Freedom of speech does not pertain to anybody that sings, speaks, mutters, utters, yells, whispers or exclaims these words. Because anyone that believes these words lives in a vacuum - they must have no family or friends, no job, do not own a house or a car, and certainly do not have cancer. (Or maybe they are high or drunk) Sane, sober people would never let these words out of their mouth. Worries are a part of life for without worries there would be no anxiety, no stress, only a recreational need for benzodiazopans, and no wonderful feelings of relief.
Worry goes hand and hand with waiting. Ever wait for a child to come home, a phone call from the boy you gave your number to, the employer to call you after a job interview, the "big" envelope from your first choice college, or Santa on Christmas morning if you were a screaming brat all year. Good news gives way to feelings of elation and bad news to feelings of dispare.
I wait for tomorrow, for the results of my latest scan; a scan that was taken after 3 months of no chemotherapy. I'm worried. Good results will bring "moments" of elation. Then the worries will start again waiting for the cancer to wake up (knowing that someday it will). Bad results, well, you all know what bad results would bring. CHEMOTHERAPY!!! That's a big ugly word that fights a big ugly disease, that causes feelings of desparation. And with the chemotherapy will bring more worries. I will worry, my family will worry, my friends will worry, my doctors will worry. I will say I'm sorry to all of you for adding to the normal course of life's worries. I might even say to you "Don't worry. Be happy!" If I do then please tell me that I am full of sh#@.