I'm Back!!!!!!!

Hey, I'm here, I'm home, I'm out of the hospital. I'm alive, I'm going to be off chemo for at least three months. Let me say one thing. I deserve this vacation. I worked very hard, submitted my body to physical toture, and shed many tears for this vacation. I want more...I dream of hearing the words "you are cancer free" or "you are in remission." These words are never meant for me. My excitement comes from "your tumors have shrunk" and now I get a hiatus. 12 weeks or three months - same thing but which one sounds longer because that is what I am hanging on to.
Just spent last 5 days in Brigham and Women's Hospital with bowels either stopped up or emtying like a faucet. And the pain of it all! But not only abdominal pain but flank pain which radiated right into my groin - and guess what that was - How about a kidney stone trying to pass as my bowels couldn't make any sense of what they needed to do. Wow, a double whammy!! When it rains it poors!!! My brain was filled with flying pigs in order to stop the pain.
So narcotics stop the pain but cause my bowel to constipate. So as a good patient that all nurse practitioners should be I began taking colace and eating a normal diet. OhOh here comes the poo-poo train. Back to Lomotil and very quickly and without warning this poo-poo train got stuck in the tunnel. Time for the colace and the green leafy diet. The poo-poo train is now on a runaway train so back to lomotil and white foods. By whites food I mean foods that are white in color. White bread, white rice, white potatoes. You get this colorless picture?
So here I sit. I was out for most of the day but unfortunately I had to scope out the location of the nearest toilet and had a small bottle of spray cologne in my bag just in case. Well it worked all right! Again here I sit and sad to say the poo-poo train continues on the runaway track and almost caused me to have to hide my face in shame.
So on goes the battle!! I keep getting knocked over and each time I express the famous words of Jack Nicholson in "The Shining" - "I'm back." But each time I scream those words my voice feels deeper inside my chest and I feel that it is much harder to climb up through the bowels of hell.

Hopefully I be more positive on my next blog. Love, Rosanne
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