Fleeting Forgetfulness

It was music to my ears. Mario was awesome playing his saxaphone in the elementary school band. Michelle came to see him-even more of a treat. Then we were home and Jay showed up. All three of my children at the same time. I just love it!
But I'm sad. I sat around and looked at all the families at the concert. I wondered how many of them had their lives effected by cancer? How close was this cancer? Anyone in that audience battling cancer now or how many people sitting there had battled it in the past? I just wanted to be able to sit and enjoy the concert; enjoy the company of friends and aquaintences that I met during the course of Mario's elementary school life. But I just couldn't! Michelle's former 5th grade teacher was at the concert. We went to say hello to him and I asked him if he heard that I had cancer. I'm not sure why I asked that question? It just came out of my mouth. Did I want to explain my super short hair? Did I need to hear someone else tell me to keep fighting? Did I need sympathy or maybe empathy? Or is this the part of me that identifies who I am?
I'm in the audience and my mind wanders to the party I am having at the Langham Hotel. It's a gathering of friends from different avenues of my life. I am very excited about this. I am sorry it is my cancer that is getting everyone together but I am promising myself that cancer is not going to be a part of any conversation. I don't want it to be the elephant in the room. I don't want it to bring the party down. I'm going to pretend I don't have cancer. I wonder if that is possible.
I start looking around again and just as I was ready to go off into another daydream, just as I was feeling the sadness tug at my heart, just as I was getting ready to think how unfair this really is...the kids came walking in, holding their adult-size musical instruments in their child-size hands, and my son in the middle of this march with a smile from ear to ear. So just for a second I felt his joy and for that split second was able to forget I had cancer.
Now I'm home, feeling very sad but very thankful for seeing that great big smile on my beautiful son as he carried his large saxphone in his little hands. By the way, it was such a beautiful performance!!