Tests and More Tests

I am sitting at my computer with a drink in my hand. It's not wine, it's not champagne, and it's not even a cold beer. It's magnesium citrate. For those that don't know what this is, I will tell you it is a prep for my colonoscopy. Now those out there that have had a colonoscopy in the past may remember their gallon of Go-Lytely. If you drank that then you are my hero. This is the more humane version of it but it does the same thing. I will have clean intestines by tomorrow afternoon. The colonoscopy is just one of those lovely tests that we all should have at 50 years old. (If you are over 50 and are reading this blog and have never had a colonoscopy I am begging you to get one) But what freaks me out is that when I was diagnosed with colon cancer I just turned fifty and was planning to see my doctor for a referral to have one - my appointment was scheduled for Nov. 1st and dignosis came on October 21st. Cancer was growing for about 8 years before that. It's strange that a killer can just sneak up on you and stalk you for years without any sign and then BANG you are terminal.
But the colonoscopy is just one test out of many all with their own set of discomforts. There are blood tests. Well, my chemoport saves my veins. The port is a box approximately 1.5x2 inches and is implanted below my left shoulder very close to under my armpit. It shows as a raised region under my skin. Installation of this port was considered a "minor" surgical procedure. (It really wasn't as minor as they said.) Anyway, there are two spots on the port that can be opened with a LARGE needle then blood can come OUT for tests or chemo can go IN to make me sick...or sorry, I meant to say extend my life. Anyway, blood tests are everytime I have treatment or any time I don't feel well. Blood tests are a necessary evil of the medical world. I not only get them but I order them for my patients with great frequency.
Another test is the CT scan, comonly referred to as CAT scan. For that I get a different drink. It is called gastrographin and they mix it with Crystal Light Lemon Ice Tea. I am instructed to drink two bottles within one hour. Again, I have to say it is more humane than the barium that is more commonly used. (You see Dana Farber patients are special.) Then before they can give me the CT scan they need more contrast in my body so they start an IV (they can't use my port because the contrast material that they have to inject goes in fast and my port just can't tolerate it.) Then hook it up to a machine that gives the injuection. The machine does it because it needs to done with lightening speed while I am going through the CT scanner, a much larger machine. Medical professionals are never in the room because radiation is emitted - another reason why a machine gives me the injection. Although the test is painless I have tears in my eyes from beginning to end. It is a constant reminder as to how sick I really am.
There have been PET scans, MRI's, and constant physical exams. All not horrible within themselves but they stand for something that I still cannot wrap my head around - I have terminal cancer and these tests are to check what it has done to my body or what the chemotherapy has done to the cancer.
I am a nurse practitioner - I order tests, I order injections (even for babies), I order consults with other doctors. I hope for normal results. My patients hope for normal results. As with my own tests, I never expect normal. I pray for "status quo." (Those words taken from a previous post).
I advocate for good health care and preventative medicine. So let me complain about those tests. I'll give everyone of my readers permission to complain about any medical test that is offered. But usually the test is for your own good!!! Did I say that??? Now I will live by my own thoughts. Medical/diagnostic tests aren't to REMIND me that I have cancer but they offer insight into who's winning the battle.